To our loyal and devoted fans let me say one thing….we’ve let you down and I personally apologize. We’ve failed you. We’ve been lazy and absent and unmotivated and sleepy and unresponsive. All amidst a wonderful little run that put us back ahead of the hated Yankmes. In all we’ve been bad hosts, compatriots, friends, comrades, and (worst of all) fans.
BUT NO MORE!!!! No more, I say, because we’ve been called to action! One of our myriad followers and fellow lovers of the Rays has come humbly to ask for assistance where she could find no other champion to take up her cause. While we were sleeping, the unofficial voice of the rays fans has been comandeered and polluted by none other than joemaddonsucks.com.
Oh, Mr. Sucks….why haven’t you responded to our challenge of a joust? Perhaps horses and long pointy thing make you uncomfortable. If that is the case, then please choose your challenge…..boxing match? drinking contest? break-dance fight? dodgeball? dog-sled race? Anything to please make you shut your damn trap about how Joe Maddon sucks. Waaaaa waaaaa sabremetrics waaaa know-it-all waaaaaaaaaaaaa.
So what if Joe switches up the lineup at will? We’re winning games! A shitload of them if you haven’t noticed! I couldn’t care less if he was dropping chicken bones into a bowl of goat blood to choose the line up. And I couldnt care less if those chicken bones told him to pull Benoit and put in my Aunt Ethel. The fact of the matter is that I’ve (and you’ve) spent exactly zero days managing so much as a girl scout softball team and he’s worked his way around the league and earned this position and our trust more than any manager in our past.
So seriously….you choose the challenge…and the venue….I’ll just bring myself and Joe and we’ll sort this all out. And meanwhile the Rays will win. A lot. You’re going on the list Mr. Sucks. And believe you me, I hate to do this to another Rays “fan” (if that’s what you are). So here’s my new top (bottom) five:
- Red Sux (1 and 2 are as fluid and interchangable as the Rays lineup)
- The I-4/275 junction
- Mr. Sucks
- Fire Ants
And to all of our recently disappointed fans, we’re recommitting ourselves to your consistent entertainment. We’re more clearly aware, now, of the immense responsibility that we hold as the bastions of all that is good and right and sarcastic in the Rays world. We realize now that you all look to us for your daily dose of refreshing, in-depth, hard-hitting news and analysis of any damn thing we feel like talking about.
Thank you to Rhianna for the inspiration and motivation to put the cape back on. We now make our lightning-fast phone booth change from mild mannered couch potatoes to unauthorized, unabridged, unapologetic, unwavering, unimaginable, unstoppable, unconstitutional, unbelievable superheroes.
Besides. Lance Berkman is a fat-ass. And two weeks is 13 days too long to go without addressing that.
The Rays roll in to Anaheim tonight to play game one of a three game series against the Angels before they come home to SMOKE (ha) the Red Sox. Should be interesting with tonight’s pitching match-up, James Shields vs. (Ex-Ray) Scott Kazmir. Both pitchers have had their issues this year. James Shields is 11-11 with a 4.82 ERA and Scott Kazmir is 8-10 with a 6.40 ERA! Check out this article that discusses rumors that Scott Kazmir was traded because of fears that he would negatively influence David Price. The article states, “According to our sources, it was accepted among those close to the Rays that prior to the 2009 season, Kazmir liked to partake in illegal recreational activities with his good friend Edwin Jackson”. Since they won’t just come out and say it, I will. The rumor is that Scott Kazmir is a big pothead and was smoking pot before his starts when he was with the Rays. This is not new news by the way, the rumors about Kazmir being a pot smoker have been circling for a while. This is supposedly the reason the Mets got rid of him. I personally think it is silly that marijuana is illegal, but that’s just my opinion and if the Rays felt that it was necessary to get rid of him based on that reason alone…well, that’s their decision. Seems to me that the Rays have a mad some pretty good decisions over that last few years! Trading Scott Kazmir to the Angels has definitely been one of the best decisions that they have made!
My personal opinion on this is that Scott Kazmir has been extremely overrated (and overpaid) since day one and whether he is a pothead or not doesn’t really matter. If anything, I think it would have helped him chill out before a game since he couldn’t seem to get through the first inning without giving up 3 or 4 runs! The Rays gave him plenty of opportunities to get his stuff together and he just couldn’t do it. Joe Maddon seemed to stick by his side longer than any other manager would have. I think this is one reason that makes Joe Maddon such a great Manager, it creates “buy-in”…for most players at least. Scott Kazmir was just a hopeless case. Scott Kazmir was playing for Scott Kazmir, he is not a team guy. The Rays organization is a “team-first” organization and guys like Scott Kazmir don’t belong here. I think the Rays finally realized that and that is what they were afraid of. David Price is 100-times the pitcher, and all-around professional athlete for that matter, than Scott Kazmir will ever be. Scott Kazmir always seemed like a bratty little kid to me. I’m glad he is gone and David Price is 15-5 with a 2.97 ERA, and in the running for a Cy-Young Award!
Staying up to watch a west coast game is hard enough, but when the Rays lose in late innings by one run…going to sleep is exponentially harder. Check out this blurb, in which all of the blame for the loss last night is attributed to Ben Zobrist’s error @ 2nd base and questions Joe Maddon’s math. While I agree that as a direct result of the error, the Athletics were able to score the go ahead run and ultimately win the game 5-4, but I totally disagree with putting all of the blame on this one play (or lack of play). The Rays came out pretty hot in the first couple of innings, only to be shutdown for most of the rest of the game. Once again, the offense really struggled. Jeremy Hellickson pitched another great game, the defense overall was phenomenal once again, and the running game was unparalleled as usual. Therefore, blaming Ben Zobrist’s is a real stretch as far as I am concerned. Give the guy a break, he plays all over the field (very well I should add), switch-hits, and although his hitting has struggled a little bit this year, he still has an On-Base Percentage of .367, with 22 stolen bases! As far as Joe Maddon’s math is concerned, he is making a point that this half-wit obviously doesn’t understand. What he is saying is that Ben makes plays like that all the time and that it is rare for him to miss it! Jack-ass…Go back to New York.
Anyway, I think the Rays will be able to put it together tonight with Price on the mound and the offense back in check. If they can split this series with Oakland and then go in to Anaheim and win that series against the Angels, they can come home on a positive note ready for the Red Sux! Go Rays!
I stumbled across this crappy blog the other day. Feel free to check it out if you want to waste a couple of minutes of your life that you can never get back. Apparently they only post entries every couple of months, and from what I can tell from reading the entries, Joe Maddon doesn’t always suck. This is the same guy that has all the brand new Rays gear on when the Rays are winning, but when they are in a slide…it’s back to the old trusty Yankees gear. Guess what buddy, it’s you that SUCKS…and I would like to challenge you to a JOUST! You can contact us @ email@example.com so we can work out the details, that is, if you are a noble and honorable knight!